Dear Miss Info,

I am a twenty-five-year-old female and I recently moved in with my boyfriend. We've been together for three years now and I love him very much. He's my first boyfriend and very important to me.

About two years ago I caught him making out with a girl, and ever since I've been extremely jealous. When that happened, we broke up; I eventually took him back because he was very sorry and really tried to convince me that things would be different. He has been very supportive and faithful ever since, even when I do something psycho-jealous like demanding prior authorization before he sees any female friends (oops β€” I am a bit controlling), etc.

I didn't use to be like this, and I really don't like it. I thought that with time things would get back to normal. Although things have improved, I have become bitter and can't help being mean to him sometimes. I always have the feeling that he "owes" me for something and that he doesn't value me and all the things that I've done for the relationship. As you can imagine, this makes him angry and very frustrated, and then I get angry too and all hell breaks loose. (We're Latin by the way, so on top of everything, we are really dramatic and there have been epic fights.)

Big issue number two: his crazy exes beg him to go back to them. Yes β€” exes, plural. For a while, both were calling constantly. One finally stopped, but the other continues. Although he only answers the calls to tell her to stop calling, I can't help but suspect that he still has feelings for her (although he swears he doesn't), or that he's hiding something from me. I can't get her out of my head. I think all of this is really messing with my mind, because I know that I shouldn't be so suspicious all the time and that it has bad consequences for the relationship, but I can't help it. I really want to improve things, but I don't know what to do with all this baggage and bad vibes.

β€” Jealous Mess

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Dear Jealous Mess,

In many cases, "crazy" exes are created, not born. It looks like you're on track to be the next one.

First of all, I don't care if you're Latin, Martian, or Flame-Monster: don't be so quick to explain away this "fiery temper." There is no excuse to be having constant screaming matches with a partner. If you're screaming, you're not listening, and if you're not listening, nothing gets accomplished. And being "a bit controlling" isn't exactly an "oops" kind of deal. (It's not like you tripped on the sidewalk and went down crowing, "You can't see any other girls ever!") You can stop being mean to him. And you have to, because nobody needs a partner who lashes out.

But this isn't just you: it takes two to get into a screaming match. I have very little to go on about his behavior, but this whole situation seems pretty toxic. It's hijacking your thoughts and making you unable to vouch for your own behavior, and no relationship is worth that.

A break-up is a big deal and it should come from internal certainty, not from some mouthy broad on the internet. But you should get out while you still can tell which way is up, while you still have your wits about you, and while you still have the emotional resources to work on your own issues. Don't stick around to be the next ex he dismisses as "crazy" as he silences his phone.